Hilarious Twilight Re-Writings

Back in the late 1980s, a brilliant friend of mine once told me, "The only reason God lets Michael Jackson exist is so that Weird Al can make fun of him."

Twilight is a bit like that.  The whole series was not a bad beach read for adults -- except that it glorifies abusive relationships.  It's laughable how people have gone nuts over it -- but it gives the rest of us great fodder for parody.

Today bookshelvesofdoom had a link to Lizzie Stark, who has posted various funny summaries of what might have happened if some of the most famous authors of the last couple of hundred years had written Twilight.  Oddly enough, my very favorites are from authors I don't like.  For example, here's a Twihard/Dubliners mash up:

James Joyce

Edward’s rapacious love for Bella reflects the way globalism has pillaged Ireland. It’s entirely written in Esperanto, with sections in untranslated Greek, except for Chapter 40, which is inexplicably rendered as a script page from the musical The Book of Mormon.

Hilarious (okay, it is to anyone who's waded through Ullyses and survived it).

And then we get this one:

Herman Melville

“Call me Bella.” A tome about the length of the original series investigates Bella’s monomanical search for the vampire who stole her virginity. There’s an entire chapter devoted to describing the devastating whiteness of Edward’s skin, and several on the physiognomy of vampires, starting with their skeletal structure outward.

Maybe it's because I also loathe Moby Dick that I think this is funny.

There are plenty more at Lizzie Stark, so click the link for more laughs.