Book Review & Rant: Not If I See You First by Eric Lindstrom (Or What Happens When Authors Haven't Been In A School In A Decade)

Because I got it in my December Uppercasebox subscription, the first book I read in 2016 was Eric Lindstrom's Not If I See You First, a YA romance with a blind protagonist named Parker.

I was excited to read it, but I ended up rather disappointed.  It's filled with stereotypes of what men think teenage girls are like and want guys to be like and how adults picture teen bullies.  It's also clear that while Lindstrom "researched" by talking to adults at the Braille society, he never bothered to talk to real teenagers who are blind -- or their friends or their public school teachers.
In 2011, I ranted about authors who assume high school is like it was when they attended.
I did it again in 2015,  with further comments here and here.
Now it's time to do it again.
Authors, if you're going to write about teenagers and school, you need to know what school is like in the contemporary world.
Mr. Lindstrom, if you're going to write about a blind teenager in 2015, you should talk to a few.
At our school, we've had a blind wrestling coach for years.  We've had 3 blind students during the years that I've taught at the school, all boys.  The first one also had developmental problems and was never in regular classes.  But last year we had 2 boys in almost entirely regular classes; one of them was my student.  And I can promise you, Mr. Lindstrom, that boy would laugh at some of the stuff you created -- because it's so wrong.
Let me go back to addressing the readers rather than the writers.
Lindstrom has 16-year-old Parker assigned a student buddy ALL DAY LONG, even though she's attended the school for two years and is fiercely independent.  No way.  No administration would put that kind of burden on a kid.  Parents would sue.  It's absurd.
What really happens is that a paraprofessional is hired -- if needed; every kid is different -- but teachers and students work it out in their own classrooms.  My blind student last year had two seeing students with whom he preferred to work in my class when possible.  During tests and for homework, however, the paraprofessional took over.
Also, Lindstrom seems to be unaware of technology.  Parker uses text-to-speech on her phone, but she does not have a Braille writer for taking notes in class nor any kind of recording device.  Again, this forces other kids to have to tutor her.  This is not reality.
Lindstrom does not have any counselor or special ed teacher or administrator ever checking up on Parker.  No adult seems to know that her father has died.  No meetings are held planning her education and modifications.  No teacher seems to modify anything for her.  No teacher notices when Parker has a meltdown in the commons area and then she and her friends sluff school all day in a massive drama queen party.  No one notifies Parker's aunt (her legal guardian).   This is beyond absurd.
Special needs students have files and are assigned SPED teachers as file holders.  Their progress is monitored; teachers are contacted as often as necessary and parents meet with them at least quarterly.  A student who has a major meltdown would be emailed news to all concerned teachers within minutes.  That student -- special needs or not -- would be with her/his counselor, the parent or guardian contacted, and friends calmed within a few minutes of the meltdown.  Students who bolted from school in emotional crises would be located by the school police and their parents contacted.  All teachers of a student who had lost a parent just before school started would be notified and asked to watch out for emotional needs.  (Yes, I've had several students lose parents over the years.)
Also, Lindstrom has the jock bullies pick on Parker so her love interests can rescue her.  It happens right by her locker.  This is unbelievable.
First of all, it has been uncool for years to pick on the physically handicapped.  Only once in my long years of teaching have I seen a physically handicapped kid get picked on (a wheelchair user -- and every other kid present came to his defense within seconds).  Bullies pick on the emotionally sensitive or mentally slower rather than the physically challenged.  And schools in the post-millenium world have security cameras.  No bully is going to go on camera doing stuff as obvious as what happens in this book.
Do I recommend this book?  Sort of.  It's mostly a romance; if you enjoy high school romances, this might be for you.  (Note: there's no sex or violence, but there's a lot of swearing, if that offends you.)  The characters are fairly stereotyped, although Parker herself has a bit more depth.  The pacing is good. And the book has been edited, which is always a plus.
If you're not a school teacher or a student yourself, the Hollywood version of high school might not bother you as much as it did me.
Give the book a try.  You might like it.

"Professional" Editing

There are SO many books out there that haven't been edited!  The problem is that most of these published first drafts are self-published, and that makes it hard for us other self-published writers to lure potential readers; discriminating readers want edited books, so they avoid ones they believe will be unedited.
As an English teacher who writes, I am extremely picky about editing my own work.  I re-read, revise, edit, and copy edit my manuscripts numerous times before they go out to beta readers.  Then I do it again before they go to my alpha reader/editor, who is another English teacher.  She rips the manuscripts apart and gleefully pens comments everywhere.  I love getting my stuff back from her; she's amazingly thorough and merciless. :D  Then I edit/revise AGAIN.  This means that by the time I release my self-published books out to the world, they've been edited at least a dozen times.
This is why it irks me when traditionally published books which have been "professionally edited and copy edited" are released with glaring errors.  I'm not talking about the occasional typo; I'm talking about "editors" who never passed 7th grade English.
For example, I love Paige Shelton's books, but her editors and copy editors have no freakin' clue what pronouns come after "than" used as a subordinating conjunction, and half the time, they think "alright" is a word.  (It isn't.  Neither is "alot.")
Of course, that's copy editing, which is essentially checking for spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors.  But what happens when you get a "professional" editor who's useless?  You get a confused reader; that's what.
Recently, I read Andrew Hunt's City of Saints, which is an LDS historical mystery.  I really liked the book, but I had to laugh at how profusely in the acknowledgement section Hunt thanked the editing team at St. Martin's Press, saying how much care they'd put into editing.  No, they didn't.  Let me explain.
In the opening paragraph of chapter 2 on page 10, Hunt gives some backstory about his protagonist in 1st person POV, claiming that in 1904, "Dad" purchased land and "just days before my birth, moved the family" into the home described.  At the end of the same paragraph, however, the protagonist says, "I was weeks away from turning thirteen when an unknown assailant.... killed him .... in 1914."
If the kid was born in 1904, how did he get to be 12 -- almost 13 -- in 1914?
Very early in chapter 7, on pages 59-60, the protagonist has a nightmare.  Hunt has him say, "I am twelve years old, about to turn thirteen.  It is 1914 again."  But six sentences later, Hunt has the protagonist wake, saying, "I am no longer eleven.  I am twenty-nine and it is 1930."
If he's 29 in 1930, then he was born in 1901, not 1904, and he was therefore not 11 in 1914.
Elsewhere in the book, Hunt has the protagonist's mother always serve Sunday dinner at 6:00 -- except in the one scene where she serves it at 6:30 for no apparent reason.
Also, in City of Saints, the protagonist's wife is an English teacher.  In the sequel, a Killing in Zion, she's a music teacher.
For this crappy editing, someone got PAID?  Seriously?
This makes me mad as an English teacher, but it makes me doubly mad as a self-published writer whose works are often ignored for fear they haven't been edited.

Review of September's Lit Cube

Recently I discovered subscription boxes, which are basically an updated version of a Book of the Month Club, only they're not just books.
There is just something intriguing about the idea of getting a box of surprises -- and that is how these people make their money; humans love surprises.
I looked at a lot of different book-themed subscription boxes, and I finally decided that Lit Cube would be the best for me.  I looked at videos of "unboxings" of some of their previous months' stuff; people were showing off nice tote bags, books, cards giving codes for free ebooks, jewelry, cute bookmarks, and beautiful journals.  (I'm a sucker for tote bags and notebooks or journals.)
I signed up for a one-month "gift box" for September, with the theme "We will never be royals."
The website said they shipped on the 16th of the month, but when that day drew near, I got an email saying some of the merchandise had been damaged, so, most boxes would ship on Sept. 17th and 18th, but about 100 would ship no later than Saturday morning -- with a little extra something inside them as an apology.
Thursday I received an email from Lit Cube saying my box had shipped!  There was a link to the USPS tracking website showing that a shipping label had been created at 10:03 AM that day -- but nothing else had happened.
I waited.  And waited.
I'd been so excited for this box.  I could hardly wait; it was like Christmas!
By Saturday, twitter and instagram were alive with people who'd gotten their boxes, but I hadn't.  In fact, the USPS tracking site still said it was still in pre-shipping.
Sunday I emailed Lit Cube, asking what was happening.  I was assured that mine was among the boxes  awaiting replacement items.
I asked why I'd been sent an email saying the box had shipped when it hadn't been shipped.  I received no reply.
Monday at 8:44 PM, according to the tracking website, my box was finally delivered to the post office in Florida.
Finally, Wednesday when I arrived home from school, the long-awaited box was there, waiting for me!!
I eagerly opened it.
I can sum up my review in a single word: Meh.
This is what was in the box:

First there was a tacky, badly-designed tee shirt featuring what the insert card (which probably cost a dollar or more to print and which is useless -- why have a card saying what's in the box when you're looking at what's in the box?  Duh.) claims is a mash up of Star Wars and Game of Thrones.  To me, it looks like Cinderella with a blaster and soccer socks, surrounded by a 13-year-old girl's doodles.  The tee is a Gildan, however, and the print is properly cured.  Maybe I'll sleep in it or else cut off the sleeves and sew it into a grocery bag.  It's too awful to wear outside the house.  The insert card claims this is worth $16.99, but I know tee shirts, and with a Gildan 100% cotton tee in a dark color with a 5-color print and a print run of at least 300, it'd go wholesale for no more than $8.50, tops.  Somebody's making a major profit off this item.
Next was a coupon for a discount on audio books.  The insert card claims this to be worth $7.99, but it's worth nothing  unless you pay for it.  It's not for a free audio book; it's just for a discount.  Since I don't like audio books anyway, it's useless for me.  What a waste.
Then there was a bookmark.  Not a cute bookmark, mind you, but an ad for another book shoved into a smelly plastic sleeve with a scribble on it in Sharpie which may be an autograph.  But it's so poorly written that I haven't yet decided which way is up on it, let alone what it says.  This is worthless.  It's an ad, not a card for a free ebook, and it's not even attractive.
Then there was a little collectors' card with a pic of a castle and the theme on it.  What's the point of this?  It's another waste of money.
Then there was a mug -- a 1/3 sized mug.  I guess it's for espresso. It's too little to use for a drink, too little to use as a pencil holder, too big for a doll, too fragile for a child.  I guess I can put paper clips in it.
The insert card said the mug's worth $7.99, but to me it's worthless.
Then there was a soda insulator wrap printed with "Write drunk; edit sober."  I can't recall I've ever really wanted a soda insulator, and I find the message rather offensive  (I don't drink.), but at least it's full-sized.  It's probably worth a dollar, but the card doesn't mention it.
Next was a card advertising yet another book (not a code for a free ebook, just another ad), but this one said it had nail decals.  Stapled to the back was a tiny plastic baggie containing five -- not ten, mind you, but FIVE -- little gold crowns.  So, I guess I could do the nails on one hand.  Or maybe every other finger.  How stupid is that?  I guess I can use the crowns in a craft sometime, but they're very tiny.  Still, they're more usable than the stupid mug is.  The card doesn't mention this item, but I guess it's worth maybe 25¢ at most.
Then there was a little tin, decorated with a VW Beetle and the word "Emma." Inside was something that I think is tea -- loose, with no sanitary wrapping over the contents at all, so heaven only knows whether or not it's contaminated with anything.  I don't drink tea, but even if I did, I wouldn't touch something questionable like this.  I guess I can use the little tin, but I don't understand why it's a VW named Emma or what on earth that has to do with the "royals" theme.  The insert card says it's worth $4.99, but I'm thinking more like $1.50.  The tin is cheap and it's only decorated with a sticker.
Finally, there's the book: Cage of Deceit. I have to admit that it looks pretty decent -- except that it's published by Clean Teen, which means it may very well be filled with Sunday School lesson stuff, which I loathe in a book.
The insert card says it's worth $12.99, but Amazon says it's worth $11.30.
Still, I hope it's enjoyable, as it's the most acceptable thing in the box.

My overall thoughts on Lit Cube would be, "I paid $34.95 for THIS?!!"
None of the cute stuff of previous boxes was in this one: no jewelry, no tote bag, no cute book mark, no journal, no notebook.  Most of what I did get is useless.
Also, the problem is the range of ages here is too weird.  The tee shirt and the book are clearly for young teens.  The nail stickers could be for any age.  The insulator has an "adult" message, and the tea and the espresso mug are geared toward adults.  Hello, Lit Cube, who's your intended audience?  Make up your mind!

I haven't written them off entirely, but I'm not signing up for another month right now.  Instead, I've purchased an Owl Crate for October.  I don't like the Owl Crate subscription payment bit as well, as there's no way I can buy October and then see if I like it or not before paying for November, but I will see if their box is less pathetic than this.

Jubilation T. Cornpone

Is it just me, or does this:

 

Ted CruzVerified account‏@tedcruz

Praise God Kim has been released! https://www.facebook.com/tedcruzpage/posts/10153570897667464 … #ImWithKim

remind anyone else of this:

??????

Possibly The Dumbest, Most Dangerous Driver Ever

Utah has laws now about using seat belts and even (finally) making calls and texting while driving.  But the idiots with the dogs are still free to be idiots.
Seriously, if it's distracting to text while driving, how is it not distracting to have a dog on one's lap while driving?  I've seen people with dogs the size of bison calves actually causing their cars to rock back and forth as the animals ran from window to window.  I've seen people with dogs from the size of large rats to as large as Golden Retrievers on their laps while they drive.
I've thought these people to be risking their own and others' safety.
But a day or two ago, I saw the absolutely most idiotic dog driver ever.
I exited the freeway and came up behind a middle-aged woman at a red light on a six-lane MAJOR traffic artery with heavy traffic.  She was on a motorized scooter.  As the light changed, I noticed that she was not only traveling 5 miles lower than the posted speed limit and 10 miles below the average speed on the road -- thus causing a lengthy back up behind her, but also that she had a medium-sized dog standing on the foot rest of the scooter.  It was not secured in any way.  One small bump would have sent that dog flying -- and caused a multi-car pile up while I tried to miss the dog.  Not only would the dog die, but possibly several people.
Absolutely, she was an idiot.  But I bet anything she'd call herself an animal lover. *rolls eyes*

This Is Why English Is Required For Four Years In High School

Otherwise, we get "professional writers" who give us headlines like this one:

Dog Found in Dead Owner's Arms After Texas Tornado Has New Home

"Emma went and crawled up underneath his [her former owner's] arm for comfort, so a very sad situation -- but she's going to have a good home," said Cindy Nash, the director of Nicholas Pet Haven. Michelle Shockley, who works as a supervisor at a nearby zoo and helped with the rescue, said Emma was…

Good Morning America

Uh... the tornado has a new home?  It moved from Texas to another state?
Try it this way:
Dog Has New Home After Owner Killed In Texas Tornado

Eye-Roll Worthy Proof Reading Neglect

Social media is always problematic for English teachers; we spend half our time cringing at spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors.  But sometimes these errors are so bad they become funny.
A few moments ago I found a pin on a Pinterest book  board which bemoaned the fact that Tris (the protagonist) dies at the end of the Divergent series.  (Note: I read Divergent, thought it glorified violence too much for my tastes, and ignored the other two books in the trilogy.)
Here's what this lady had to say about the part where Tris dies:

I cried when this happened in the book. Like historically cried.

Um... The book is a dystopia, not historical fiction.  And, unless you can time travel, you didn't cry "historically" either.  Actually, you probably didn't even cry "hysterically," but at least that's an appropriate hyperbole.

*rolls eyes*

Leonard Pitts, Jr. Puts Fox News In Its Place

Most thinking people know it as Faux News and trust it less than Wikipedia (after all, Wikipedia often has valid information; Fox rarely has anything more than the sorts of things one used to read in The National Enquirer).
Scarily enough, many people are duped by Fox, and that's why I loved this article from The Miami Herald, reprinted in today's Salt Lake Tribune.

---

Pitts: Why serious people discount Fox News

BY LEONARD PITTS JR.

THE MIAMI HERALD

PUBLISHED: JANUARY 25, 2015 06:00AM
UPDATED: JANUARY 25, 2015 06:00AM

Tucker Carlson said on Fox that more children die of bathtub drownings than of accidental shootings. They don’t.

Steve Doocy said on Fox that NASA scientists faked data to make the case for global warming. They didn’t.

Rudy Giuliani said on Fox that President Obama has issued propaganda asking everybody to “hate the police.” He hasn’t.

John Stossel said on Fox that there is “no good data” proving secondhand cigarette smoke kills nonsmokers. There is.

So maybe you can see why serious people — a category excluding those who rely upon it for news and information — do not take Fox, well ... seriously, why they dub it Pox News and Fakes News, to name two of the printable variations. Fox is, after all, the network of death panels, terrorist fist jabs, birtherism, anchor babies, victory mosques, wars on Christmas and Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi. It’s not just that it is the chief global distributor of unfact and untruth but that it distributes unfact and untruth with a bluster, an arrogance, a gonad-grabbing swagger, that implicitly and intentionally dares you to believe fact and truth matter.

Many of us have gotten used to this. We don’t even bother to protest Fox being Fox. Might as well protest a sewer for stinking.

But the French and the British, being French and British, see it differently. And that’s what produced the scenario that recently floored many of us.

There was Fox, doing what Fox does, in this case hosting one Steve Emerson, a supposed expert on Islamic extremist terrorism, who spoke about so-called “no go” zones in Europe — i.e., areas of Germany, Sweden, France and Great Britain — where non-Muslims are banned, the government has no control and sharia law is in effect. Naturally, Fox did not question this outrageous assertion — in fact, it repeated it throughout the week — and most of us, long ago benumbed by the network’s serial mendacities, did not challenge Fox.

Then, there erupted from Europe the jarring sound of a continent laughing. British Prime Minister David Cameron called Emerson an “idiot.” A French program in the mold of “The Daily Show” sent correspondents — in helmets! — to interview people peaceably sipping coffee in the no-go zones. Twitter went medieval on Fox’s backside. And the mayor of Paris threatened to sue.

Last week, Fox did something Fox almost never does. It apologized. Indeed, it apologized profusely, multiple times, on air.

The most important takeaway here is not the admittedly startling news that Fox, contrary to all indications, is capable of shame. Rather, it is what the European response tells us about ourselves and our waning capacity for moral indignation with this sort of garbage.

It’s amazing, the things you can get used to, that can come to seem normal. In America, it has come to seem normal that a major news organization functions as the propaganda arm of an extremist political ideology, that it spews a constant stream of racism, sexism, homophobia, Islamophobia, paranoia and manufactured outrage, and that it does so with brazen disregard for what is factual, what is right, what is fair, what is balanced — virtues that are supposed to be the sine qua non of anything calling itself a newsroom.

If you live with aberrance long enough, you can forget it’s aberrance. You can forget that facts matter, that logic is important, that science is critical, that he who speaks claptrap loudly still speaks claptrap — and that claptrap has no place in reasoned and informed debate. Sometimes, it takes someone from outside to hold up a mirror and allow you to see more clearly what you have grown accustomed to.

This is what the French and the British did for America last week.

For that, Fox owed them an apology. But serious people owe them thanks.

Warning Labels For Idiots, Or, "Don't Sue Us If You Eat This"

So, a package of crab legs contains shellfish?!  Wow.  Who'd a thunk it?
*rolls eyes*

(PS If you can't read the allergen warnings, click on the pic to enlarge it.)

Grammar So Bad It Hurts

Warning:  This image contains graphic use of bad grammar.  It may be disturbing to educated viewers.

From dictionary.com:

• Synonyms
• Examples
• Word Origin

verb (used with object), slew, slain, slaying.

1.

to kill by violence.

2.

to destroy; extinguish.

3.

sley.

4.

Informal. to impress strongly; overwhelm,especially by humor:

Your jokes slay me.

5.

Obsolete. to strike.

verb (used without object), slew, slain,slaying.

6.

to kill or murder.

And this thing has been traditionally published!   A professional editor allowed this HUGE typo in the title to pass!

Schools, Guns, And Lunches

Salt Lake Tribune cartoonist Pat Bagley has done it again.

(Click to enlarge.)

From Thursday:

Utah teacher shoots herself in the leg at elementary school

Accident » Elementary school teacher whose gun went off in restroom is treated and released from hospital.

By Michael McFall

| The Salt Lake Tribune

First Published Sep 11 2014 09:43 am • Updated 7 minutes ago

A Taylorsville elementary school teacher somehow shot herself in the leg while in a school restroom.

The 6th-grade teacher, Michelle Ferguson-Montgomery, was in a faculty restroom at Westbrook Elementary School (3451 W. 6200 South) on Thursday morning when her handgun went off, said Ben Horsley, spokesman of Granite School District.

......

The teacher — a concealed carry permit holder — was allowed to have the weapon on campus per state law, Horsley said.

Utah is among the few states that allow people with concealed weapons permits to carry guns in public schools, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

Educators have said they have no way of determining how many Utah teachers are armed, but gun-rights advocates have estimated that 1 percent, or about 240 teachers in the state, are licensed to carry weapons.

Utah teachers are allowed to carry guns, but the weapons must be completely concealed and kept with the teacher at all times, including inside a bathroom stall, according to the state office of education. However, teachers are not required to tell the school that they have a gun.

"This would clearly violate the intent and the strategic advantage of the ‘concealed’ weapon," the district’s statement reads. "If a permit holder had disclosed to faculty or staff that they were carrying a weapon, this could make them a target in an active shooter situation."

.....

From the comments section on the above article:

Join the discussion…

• 

  brettys • 10 hours ago

  Who could have seen this coming? 
  Everyone.

  149  

  •

  Reply

  •

  Share › 
  • 

    Jack E Raynbeau  brettys • 10 hours ago

    Including Stevie Wonder.

    71  

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    Share › 
    • 
      
      Also from Thursday's Tribune:
      
      
      Report blames Salt Lake City lunch manager for trashing meals

      Lunch debacle » Some parents unhappy with report.

      By Lisa Schencker

      | The Salt Lake Tribune

      First Published 6 hours ago • Updated 29 minutes ago

      A school nutrition manager deserves most of the blame for dumping the meals of 17 Uintah Elementary students earlier this year, according to an independent report released by the Salt Lake City School District on Thursday.

      The students’ meal accounts were in arrears and they were given a snack of fruit and milk after their lunches were publicly taken away last winter.

      .....

      Uintah parent Ashley Hoopes, [Read: woman who really, really wants her name in the news] who has been vocal about the matter for months, said the report shocked and disappointed her.

      "You cannot blame a low-level lunch worker or any of her peer lunch workers who were trying to make sense of a very bad policy," Hoopes said, "when the people that created and enforce the policy are just standing by, making six figures, with business as usual."

      
      

      *********************************************

      
      

      Thus, as I said, Bagley really nailed it on this one.  :)