Ideas For Improving High Schools

Note: these ideas are based on what's NOT happening in the high schools in my own district and in some of the other districts in the Salt Lake Valley.  I certainly hope there are places where high schools do some or all of these things; however, I will admit that I've never yet heard of some of these being done before.  Feel free to comment.


1.  Instead of spirit week, have ART Week.  Instead of wearing school colors and having a pep rally before a sporting event, have finger painting/ water balloon painting/ mural coloring in the cafeteria during lunchtime for a week, have Dress as Your Favorite Painting Day, teach a different style of dance in the gym every day during lunch, have salt dough sculpting or snow sculpting competitions, have a sing-a-long assembly or karaoke assembly. Create an assembly where the drama students are in charge: skits, improv, gong-show, audience participation. Encourage teachers to have paintings/sculptures/drawings in their classrooms. (The art may reflect the teachers’ personal tastes or be related to their subject areas.)

2. Focus on academic instead of sports all the time.  Announce totals of high scores for AP tests.  Spotlight kids taking more than one AP class.  Have academic competitions during lunch or assemblies: spelling bees, quiz-shows with students against teachers, logic puzzles.  Give prizes and praise to winners.  In schools with high populations of immigrants, spotlight kids who speak multiple languages.  Give ESL students a chance to teach others their native tongues in clubs or free after-school classes. Spotlight kids who score 1700+ on the Reading Inventory test (and reward them by never making them take the test again, as they cannot “improve” beyond that score).   Spotlight kids who get perfect scores on all required tests and reward them.  Give attention those with 4.0s and/or those who improve their GPA by 1.0 during a school year.  Celebrate the debate team and the chess club.

3. Encourage physical activities that are not based on the holy trinity of football/basketball/baseball.   Have badminton or ping pong set up for lunch or after school.  Teach folk dancing or dances from the past, such as the jitterbug or the cake walk.   Have a walking or hiking club; get teachers to join in.

4. Have a community service week or term.   Get kids out cleaning up parks.  Turn unused grassy areas into a school vegetable/herb gardens and donate the fresh produce to a food bank or homeless shelter kitchen.  Have service team competitions to spruce up yards for the elderly or disabled or for the local senior center.  Require honor society students to tutor ESL students or elementary children.  Get kids to rake leaves or trim bushes or clean indoors at the local library.   Have a book drive for a low-income area elementary school.  Foster a litter of kittens.   Read books on tape for vision-impaired folks to use.  Volunteer to wash dogs at the animal shelter.  Spotlight kids who do volunteer work.  Have a reward activity or treat only for those who’ve been involved in a service activity of some sort.  Don’t make it about merely collecting money once a year for something; make it longer and vary the ways its done.

It's Really Not All That Hard, Folks.

In the wake of the tragedy in Orlando (49 people killed by a gunman in a gay night club), the internet has been swamped with people talking about how to explain to their kids that gay people were killed -- presumably because they were gay or friends of gays.  This has also led to more discussion about whether or not schools should mention the existence of LGBTQ folks to children.
My thoughts?
Duh.
Look, it's really not that hard to explain to kids, folks.  Let me give you an example:

It's 1995 and a gay couple in my dance group, Bart and Thom (both white), have just adopted an infant girl, Eliza (black).  Although I have been around gay men in various dance groups for years at this point, I have never heard of gay marriage before and have had no clue that a gay couple would even want to adopt a child.  (I will learn much in the years that follow.)  Nevertheless, I like Bart very much and try to like his (understandably, in retrospect) rather defensive partner, Thom, and I wish them happiness -- even as I wrap my mind around a new concept.
It's their 3rd time bringing their new daughter (some 5 or 6 weeks old at this point) to rehearsal, and I happen to be standing nearby as Thom is picking up her things, preparing to leave, when the 7-year-old son of a straight, white, Mormon man in the group stares at baby Eliza and says, "Where's her mom?  How come she doesn't have one?"
Thom looks up and our eyes meet.  He and I have never been super-friendly at this point (we will get over this in the future), never allies -- as he has too much resentment for Mormons and the Church's intolerance of gays.  However, I see he's a panicked new dad; he has not yet figured out how to answer this awkward question in the 1995 world of intolerance.  There is a split second of silence between us, during which I realize that my experience as a teacher needs to override his right as a father -- just this once, until his feet are more firmly planted in the role.
"Oh, she has a mom," I say confidently.  "Everybody has a mom.  But Eliza's birth mom knew that she would not be able to take care of her, give her a safe home and a good education.  So when her birth mom found out that Bart and Thom wanted a baby to love, she was very happy to know that her little girl would be going to a good home."
Immense relief floods Thom's face.  "Exactly!" he says, smiling.  (I can tell he plans to use my explanation the next time a child asks him.)
"Oh," says the boy, and he runs off to do something else.  He is satisfied.  He has no problem with the baby's having two fathers.  He has no problem with her being a black child of white parents.  He has ABSOLUTELY NO ADULT HATE OR HANG UPS over the situation at all.  That's it.

More than 20 years later, it's easier, not harder, to explain this stuff to kids.  Not everybody has the same kind of family.  It's not that hard, folks.  Stop getting so worked up about it, and just tell kids the truth on a level that's right for their age.  The 7-year-old wasn't asking about gay sex; he just wanted to know where the mom of the baby was.  An 11-year-old would probably have more questions and need more explanation.
So, how do you explain to kids about the tragedy in Orlando?  Well, you tell them there are scary people in the world, people filled with hate of those who are different from themselves or different from what they think people should be like.  And sometimes these scary people set out to hurt and kill.  This time, gay people were the target.  Yes, it's scary.  And, yes, we do need to be careful.  But we don't need to hate; that will only make it worse.

Hiding stuff from kids will only make them suspicious and afraid.  Just tell them simply and truthfully, but not hatefully.

Oh, and just so you know, Bart and Thom are still together now.  They live in a different state, so I'm not sure if they're married or not, now that it's legal.  But they raised Eliza and Andy (adopted a year or so later) into great young adults.  Their family -- which worked just fine -- was the main reason I never picked up on the Mormon hatred of gay families.  By the time such stuff began to be preached in Church, I already knew that a gay family wasn't all that much different from any other family, and certainly was nothing to fear.

Gosh, Do You Think They Copied Each Other???

I have the tedious chore tonight of grading Shakespeare packets.  The front page of these packets on which my 9th graders were to have taken notes for a whole term contains a timeline of 10 major events in the Bard's life.  One of the dates is 1592, which is the date I gave them as when we're sure he'd made it to London, as he was already being discussed critically.  I said -- but did not write on the board -- that critic Robert Greene had at that time referred to him as "an upstart crow."
I'm guessing that one kid in my 3B English 9 core class must have misheard that and copied it down wrong -- and then allowed at least one person to copy from her/him.
At any rate, nearly half the packets from that class period have labeled the timeline at 1592 as "Shakespeare writes 1st play, 'The Upset Crow.'"
Obviously, we will have a mini-lesson on the next B-day about how misinformation gets spread.  (I really don't want them all telling people, "But Ms. Shafer SAID that was his first play!")

Teaching Is Exhausting

We have a new math teacher at our school, replacing one who is on a mysterious "leave of absence."
However, the new guy has been an instant hit at the school: all the girls thing he's hotter than Hades and all the boys think he's cool because he has so many tattoos.  The teachers feel confident that because the fellow only recently left the Marines, he is unlikely to be cowed by obnoxious teens.
He's doing well, even for taking over mid-year as he has.  Of course, he has plenty of support from the rest of the faculty, as we are a school which works together, not against one another.

Friday we celebrated Pi Day with pie before beginning our afternoon meetings, and the following conversation occurred:

New Math Teacher: *enters room and drops onto a chair* I am EXHAUSTED!
All More Experienced Teachers In Room: *knowing laughter*
New:  No, really!  Six months ago, I'd put a 40 lb pack on, hike 10 miles, come home and drink a 6-pack.  I'd be FINE.  Now, I go home after school, drink a glass of milk, and collapse for a nap!  It's UNREAL!
All: *loud laughter*
Science Teacher: It'll get better.
Me: No, it won't, but you'll get used to it!

Philosophy Overheard In My 9GT Class Today

Boy to several friends: If you think about it, everything either is or is not a potato.

Me: *??!*

So, This Is Your First Time Subbing In A Junior High, Right?

Like most teachers, I have to PLAN my escapes to the bathroom.  (A-Days: 7:30, 9:15, 10:55, and 3:00 PM.  B-Days: 7:30, 10: 50, 12:10, and 3:00 PM.  If I'm lucky, that is.  Some days, it's not even this often.)  This morning, I was making my cross-campus run for the faculty restroom when an unfamiliar substitute suddenly stepped from the doorway of a SPED classroom (where he was playing a harmonica. *!*) and directly into my path.

Me: Uh, hi.
Him: We have a problem here. *gestures to crowded hallway*  I heard some girls down there screaming, "You're ugly!" to another girl.  And there's some horseplay going on up that way.
Me: *mouth twitches*  *nostrils flare slightly in attempt to keep from laughing*  Yes. And....?
Him: Well?
Me: Sir, what you want to watch for is when a big group of kids swarms together.
Him: *eyes widening in expectation* Really?
Me: Yeah, that means there's a fight.  But don't worry; two administrators are standing at the head of the hallway, and we have security cameras all over the place.

A few minutes later, I repeated the exchange to the vice-principal, the assistant custodian, and a veteran substitute who used to teach full-time in our school.
Me: So then he told me there were kids involved in "horseplay!"
*laughter from all*
Custodian: Was there blood?  Broken glass? Otherwise, I'm not worried.
Me: And did the girl who got called "ugly" sass back or melt into a puddle of tears?  Can't he tell the difference?
Veteran Sub: Has he ever been in a junior high before?
Vice Principal: Great. *rolls eyes* I'll get stuck helping him before the day's over.

My conclusion?
Obviously, this guy's been reading way too many mommy blogs and ksl.com articles about how we shouldn't let kids play rough or "bully" one another.
I'm guessing today was a reality check for him.
:D
Welcome to the wild world of junior high, mister.  I hope you and your harmonica had a lovely time.
*Bwaaah-haaa-haa-ha!*

Teaching Like It's 1995

This school year, our principal has decided to make big changes to the advisory class system developed by our former principal.  It would be tedious to tell you all the details, but let me summarize by saying that it now takes a great many meetings and a great deal of what would be called paperwork if we were using paper instead of Excel spreadsheets.  Thus far, it's unclear that we've accomplished much other than making the principal happy and the students grumpy.
One of the big problems has been taking roll.  Since the students are sorted on the gradebook attendance program by their "homeroom" advisories which they attend only on Mondays, there has been some kerfluffle about taking attendance the other days and getting it into the program.  For a couple of weeks, we tried using Excel, but it would not sort the students alphabetically, rather sorting them alphabetically under the name of the teacher to whom they were assigned for that week only.   (The assignments change every Friday.)
Finally, last Friday after a lengthy meeting wherein we tried to solve this and various other problems with the new advisory system, the principal  energetically announced that she had the answer: teachers would take roll on a paper, and an office aide would come around to collect the papers, return them to the counseling center, and the counseling secretary would enter attendance into gradebook from there.
I blinked.
Then I locked eyes with the only other teacher in the room who knew what I was thinking: the Spanish teacher, who, during the school year of 1995-1996, had been my English student.
As other teachers began to discuss this "new" idea, she and I both laughed, remembering.
Twenty years ago, only the office staff at school had computers.  Teachers had color-coded folders with a paper roll for each period.  We'd take roll on the paper, put the folder into a clip hooked to the wall by the door, and an office aide would make the rounds to collect roll each period so the counseling center secretary could enter it into the computer.
"Progress" had brought us back full circle to 1995.

And So It Begins Again....

In approximately one hour I will greet my first class of the new school year.
Deep breath.
Ready?
Plunge!

This Is Why English Is Required For Four Years In High School

Otherwise, we get "professional writers" who give us headlines like this one:

Dog Found in Dead Owner's Arms After Texas Tornado Has New Home

"Emma went and crawled up underneath his [her former owner's] arm for comfort, so a very sad situation -- but she's going to have a good home," said Cindy Nash, the director of Nicholas Pet Haven. Michelle Shockley, who works as a supervisor at a nearby zoo and helped with the rescue, said Emma was…

Good Morning America

Uh... the tornado has a new home?  It moved from Texas to another state?
Try it this way:
Dog Has New Home After Owner Killed In Texas Tornado

Eye-Roll Worthy Proof Reading Neglect

Social media is always problematic for English teachers; we spend half our time cringing at spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors.  But sometimes these errors are so bad they become funny.
A few moments ago I found a pin on a Pinterest book  board which bemoaned the fact that Tris (the protagonist) dies at the end of the Divergent series.  (Note: I read Divergent, thought it glorified violence too much for my tastes, and ignored the other two books in the trilogy.)
Here's what this lady had to say about the part where Tris dies:

I cried when this happened in the book. Like historically cried.

Um... The book is a dystopia, not historical fiction.  And, unless you can time travel, you didn't cry "historically" either.  Actually, you probably didn't even cry "hysterically," but at least that's an appropriate hyperbole.

*rolls eyes*

Our Teaching Staff Is Pretty Tough

So, the seventh-graders are doing a unit on superheroes right now, and our librarian, currently infatuated with photoshop, decided that he wanted to promote teachers as superheroes.
This is the result:

(Click on the photo to enlarge.)

They look pretty bad-a$$, don't they?  :D
The man on the far right isn't really that tall, and the woman just to the left of him isn't really that tiny.  (She said she looks "constipated" in the photo.)
The librarian never asks me to be in these.  He knows as well as I do that superheroes never come in my shape. :P  (Now, if he ever does Ursula the Sea Witch, we're good.)

Pieces of a Day in April

So, today was our first day back at school after Spring Break.
Very soon after the first bell, the teacher in charge of assembly planning sent out an e-mail about Spirit Week next week.  Then she sent another correcting the first.  And then a third correcting the second.  Clearly, her week was going like mine was.
The problem was on which day to have "Twin Day" in which students were supposed to plan to dress exactly like one of their friends.  Finally, it ended up being Twin Thursday.
A bit later, one of the newest additions to our faculty sent out this e-mail:

Subject: Re: Proposed Spirit Week Themes

Random "new" teacher idea.

Let's freak the kids out on that Twin Thursday.

Everyone in the whole staff wear blue denim jeans and a red t-shirt. We will all be twins and they'll flip.

Don't tell them; just see if they notice.

Come on! It's SPIRIT WEEK!  :)

Several of us e-mailed back verifying we'd join in.  Then it hit me: RED shirts.

I sent out this e-mail:

Wait.

What if this is like Star Trek, and all of us wearing red shirts will be zapped off before the end of the episode?!  Is this a secret plot?

Several humorous responses flew in, but this was my favorite:

Subject: RE: Proposed Spirit Week Themes

It must have been "shirt day" today, for, in my next class, a kid walked in wearing this awesome thing:

I laughed -- then made him hold still while I snapped the shot with my iPad.  :)

The next "moment" came near the end of the day.  With 3 minutes left in class, we'd finished, and I'd given the kids free time.  As usual, many of them crowded near the door (which annoys me).
When I noticed one of them had inched the door open, I called out, "Hey, [name deleted], leave the door closed until the bell rings!"
Immediately, his friend turned toward me and called out, "He needs the door open; he's farting."
The first kid, presumably embarrassed, snapped at him, "You're not supposed to tell her that!"
So the friend turned back to me and called out just as loudly, "My bad.  I mean; he's NOT farting."
Fortunately, the bell rang just then, so I didn't have to comment on the situation.

A few minutes after the halls had cleared, I was on my way to the copy room to get some test essay rubrics ready for Friday.  As I passed the office, Mr. O., a social studies teacher, held the door open for me.
"Hey, thanks," I said.  "How are you?"
"Great!" he replied. "It's already Wednesday!"
"Even better; Wednesday's OVER!"
"You're right," he said.  "It's Thursday Eve!"

And on that note, for this Thursday Eve, I leave you -- with a smile. :)

Political Cartoonist Pat Bagley On Teaching In Utah

The fat dude with the whip is new state superintendent of schools, Brad Smith, a freakin' LAWYER with NO EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE WHATSOEVER, and a known public school hater.  The cartoon refers to this event which Max explained so very well.
(Remember to click the pic if  you wish to enlarge it.)

The only good thing about the Utah state Legislature and the evil Brad Smith this year is that the public is FINALLY beginning to turn in favor of teachers.  I see far more support and far fewer nasty tweets and comments.

What It's Like To Be A Teacher Nowadays

I found this on Martin's blog.  It sums things up very well.  :)

(I've long said that you can drown a junior high school horse but still not get him to take even one sip.)

Why I Have So Many Unused Sick Days

How to take a sick day if you work in a cubicle:
1) Decide you are too sick to go in to work.
2) Call supervisor.
3) Deal with extra paperwork/e-mails when you return.

How to take a sick day if you are a school teacher:
1) Agonize for 30 minutes as to whether you are sick enough to make this worth the hassle.
2) Determine you really are too sick to drive/walk/deal with kids all day long.
3) Call subfinder.  Spend 10 minutes clicking through the menu to arrange for a sub.
4) Pray that a sub will actually be available.
5) Spend 45 minutes to 1 hour typing up explicit instructions for the sub, knowing that most subs display an underwhelming amount of intelligence when it comes to following rules and lesson plans.
6) E-mail PDF to school secretary.
7) Pray that the district e-mail doesn't go all weird again and that your PDF will actually make it to its intended recipient today -- instead of next week.
NOTE: The first 7 items must all be completed BEFORE 7:00 AM.
8) At 7:20, call the secretary and make sure she got the PDF and that someone is covering your classes.
9) Go back to bed.
10) Field e-mailed parent complaints because you're not there to do whatever it is they want you to check on, e-mailed administrator complaints because THAT ONE KID acted up for the sub (even though you left the sub specific directions on where to send THAT ONE KID and she ignored them and brought in the admin instead), and e-mailed kid complaints because you weren't there to answer whatever questions they could have answered for themselves by looking at your website.
11) Return to school when well for MOUNDS of paperwork, missing/stolen items, and a huge mess left by disrespectful kids and an apathetic substitute.

Yeah, my cold got so bad I actually stayed home today.  This is my first sick day since last May.  Really, it's usually easier just to go teach when ill.

Things That Never Happened When I Began Teaching School Years Ago

1)  "Ms. Shafer, can I just take a picture of the assignment instructions?  I don't want to write all that down."
2) Instead of carrying a compact mirror or using the restroom mirror, girls pull out their phones and use the selfie function on the camera to check their make up.

All In A Day's Randomness

We teachers like to help each other out, sharing lesson plans, books, whatever.  And because we constantly juggle with way too many balls in the air at any given time, sometimes we send out e-mails for help.  I have, for example, been able to fill an art teacher's need for a couple of dozen empty, clean yogurt and/or cottage cheese containers by the next day -- since my father is an artist and since I do a lot of crafts and it is just our habit to clean and save all such containers.
Today, however, all of us on the listserv got two e-mails requesting items that were even more random than usual.
From the counseling office:

We are planning on doing “Graduation Selfies” today (and the rest of the week) during lunches. The Jostens rep has not returned my emails so as of right now we only have my one black graduation robe. Do any of you have a robe and/or cap here at school???

(Yes, some teachers do own their old caps and gowns, but not too many teachers happen to keep theirs at school.)

And from a math teacher:

I need femurs, preferably from animals that have passed this mortal coil. Chicken femurs would work very well but any femur from any animal would be welcome. If it still has bits and pieces of gore attached, no problem; I have my ways of cleaning up a crime scene… I mean… a science lab. I have given myself time to gather my requisite materials, so keep me in mind the next time you have a chicken dinner (or turkey this Thanksgiving) or a Xmas fancy for meat pies (Sweeny Todd). A human femur would be cool… even if it is plastic.

(Femurs.  Okey-dokey.  I'll see what I can do.  Hmmm..... maybe the neighbors' dogs.... *grins evilly*)
(PS.  Yes, at least two of us English teachers are geeky enough to know that he misquoted Hamlet in his first sentence.)

Yup.  I bet all you folks who work in offices never get e-mails like these. :D

Usually I'm Apathetic About Team Sports....

.... but when a former student of mine becomes chaser for the Utah State University quidditch team, I do feel a bit proud.  :)
(Yes, he's holding a broomstick between his legs.)

This Pretty Much Sums Up An English Teacher's Life

Got this tweet the other day:

 

Dianne T. Richardson‏@NovelDianne

I am in grading hell. And there is no light. There's not even a tunnel. Just a black pit of failure to follow directions.

Yep, I feel for ya, Sista.  Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt.

One Of The Perks Of Working With The School Drama Department For Years

So, I was buying a birthday gift for my aunt in Bath and Body Works last Saturday (Note: this store is a vortex of temptation for me.  Only a bookstore is worse.), and the clerk who rang me up was telling me about her family's Halloween costumes.

Her: But then my three-year-old daughter wants to be a tiger!  A tiger!
Me: *nods*  *wonders why this is a problem*
Her: How am I supposed to find a tiger costume?!!
Me: *with literally a one-second time lag* Face paint.  Orange sweatshirt.  Black electrical tape in stripes. *motions across body in diagonals toward chest*
Her: *gasps*  That's --- That's awesome!  How did you think of that so fast?!
Me: Schoolteacher.  *smirks*
Her: *grabs notepaper to write this down*
Me: *waves, walking away*

Thus I preserved the mystique.  :)