Update

Yes, it's been awhile.  Sorry.
Three of my immediate family members have had some serious health problems.  Then my own body decided it was feeling left out and developed a few new weirdnesses requiring multiple doctor visits (during which time, two of my favorite doctors decided to relocate, forcing me to find new ones).
 And school is .... well, in a unique situation.
You see, I've taught at a traditional junior high (grades 7-9) for many years.  And, at the end of this year, our school will be absorbed into the nearby high school, becoming a second campus as the high school shifts from 10-12 to 9-12.   There has been a good deal more durm and strang than usual with registering the 7th graders for a different junior high for 8th grade, registering both 8th and 9th graders at least a month earlier than usual for high school, and the interviewing of teachers for different job placements (as we cannot continue to teach at a school which no longer exists).  As I have not yet been placed, I live in limbo, not even yet able to pack up my numerous files and such in order to move... somewhere.
All this means I haven't done one speck of writing or editing since last autumn.  I've done a good deal of reading, though, so I'm going to try to post some book reviews and not let this blog die. :)

Can You Tell That This Doctor Used To Be A School Teacher?

I've been experiencing hair loss lately.  Only twice before in my life has it ever been this bad.  Thus, today I had a doctor's appointment after school.
Now, I like this doctor; he actually reminds me of Max.  It's almost as if the doctor could be Max's long-lost cousin or something.  Anyway, he's got a great sense of humor.
Let me share:

Doctor: *going over medical updates before talking to me about current symptoms*  Let's see; we did blood work in the summer, right?
Me: Yes.
Doctor: Still taking Vitamin D?
Me: Yes.
Doctor: Do you have the paperwork to schedule a mammogram for this year?
Me: Yes, I'll do that.
Doctor: And you remember that you'll need to have a colonoscopy before too many years, right?
Me: *cringing* Yes, I guess.  But that'll have to be during a summer; it's too involved for --
Doctor: Look, there's no law that says you have to have one by a certain birthday, you know.  It's a colonoscopy; you don't have to get all anal about it. *winks*
Me: *bursts out laughing*

I'm Still Surviving

Three years ago Sunday I had a parotidectomy to remove a tumor on my jaw, a tumor which turned out to be low-grade mucoepidermoid carcinoma.  Things were a bit scary for awhile: my saliva glands didn't heal properly and I got a huge spit-blister below my ear; then it became apparent that my nerve endings had become confused and so I would sweat on the outside of my jaw in one spot instead of salivating inside my mouth.
Today the doctor told me that my having reached 3 years with no sign of the cancer's spreading means I've got about a 90% chance that it won't ever come back.  If I'm still this good in another two years' time, I will be considered virtually "cured."
*knocks on wood so as not to tempt fate*
Yes, I still have a big ol' Frankenstein scar down my neck from where the skin was peeled back, but it's faded now.  Yes, I still have one dime-sized spot on my right jaw where I sweat every time I eat certain foods (chocolate-- always with chocolate) instead of salivating inside my mouth.  But the tumor has not grown back, nor has it (apparently) spread to my thyroid or lymph nodes.
*knocks on wood yet again*
Things are looking pretty hopeful. :)

On The Tyranny Of Doctors' Receptionists, According To The Law Of Supply And Demand

Like most school teachers, I try to take care of all my doctors' appointments during the summer.  However, the older I get, the more body parts need "tune ups," and the harder it becomes to schedule juggle appointment times.  And the law of supply and demand does not make things any easier.
Take my dentist as a starting point.  He and his son own their practice and their building, so the costs stay down.  They hire their own hygienists and receptionists.  Their hours are reasonable, and they call back when you have questions.  Because it's a small affair, and because there are plenty of dentists in the valley, the wait times aren't bad at all, although for regular cleaning, you have to schedule about a month out.
Then there's my family medicine doctor.  This is becoming a rare breed, as more and more doctors specialize, so one must plan further ahead.  However, he works in a big, well-organized clinic.  There are receptionists available from 8:00 to 5:00 to take calls, and his nurse or assistant will call you back to answer medical questions.  Usually, to schedule a yearly check-up, one must plan 3 to 4 weeks in advance, but times for when you're actually sick are only about a day or two.
But then there's the ob/gyn.
Groan.
The main problem is that Utah has the birth rate of a 3rd-world country.  (No kidding.  The Utah birth rate is about 2.6 per woman, which is roughly the same as India's birth rate, and 25% higher than the national average of 1.9-2.0 per woman.  In fact, this chart shows that Utah is currently keeping up with the birthrates of countries such as Ecuador and Turkmenistan, and freakin' beating the birthrate of such countries as Bhutan, Colombia, Jamaica, and Iran.  The UK, in contrast, has a birth rate of 1.8 and Japan has 1.26!)  There are simply not enough doctors to meet the needs of the breeding multitudes here.  And this leads to tyranny, plain and simple.
The receptionists all take the same lunch and shut down the whole clinic for the hour.  They also are snippy with patients about medical/appointment questions, and they have a superior attitude about everything.  And the doctor usually spends 3 minutes per appointment with non-pregnant patients.

Planning ahead, I called today to schedule my routine examination with Dr. "X," but, as I am not pregnant, I have a very low status with this particular clinic.

After seven full minutes of  hold music, I managed to speak with a self-appointed goddess receptionist.
Me: Hi!  I need to make my yearly appointment with Dr. "X."
Her: When was your last appointment?  You know the insurance companies won't pay for it if it's even one day before a full year since your last visit.
Me: It was last August, so I'd like to schedule for this August.
Her: What day last August?
Me: *slightly stunned*  Uh, I'm not quite sure.  Mid-August, I think.
Her: *clearly annoyed with my stupidity*  You don't know the exact date?  I just told you that it can't be even one day too early.
Me: Well, don't you have that information on your computer?
Her: *snorts with laughter* No, that's on your chart.  We'd have to pull that up with the nurse, and that would take a couple of days.
Me: *mystified that this brand new clinic has data retrieval methods dating back to the 1950s* Um, could we schedule for September, then?
Her: *even more irritated* No.  We can't schedule for September in June!  Call your insurance company and find out when your last appointment was.  Then you can call me to schedule for August.
Me: But --
Her: *hangs up phone*

This woman clearly enjoys her power.

My Sleepless Weekends Just Aren't What They Used To Be

I've never been a drinker, but for years and years I was a folk dancer (to a limited extent, I still am, but the herniated disc curbs much of it).
There were weekends at festivals where I had almost no sleep: 5-mile parade in the mid-morning, 3 short performances in the afternoon, full show that night followed by dancing with the other groups until 3:00 AM, bus ride back to the dorm.  It was awesome. :D
In contrast, over the last four days, I've had a TOTAL of roughly 8 hours sleep (altogether, not per night).  That's just like the old days, true.  But, if I add that I'm to the point now where I'm REALLY looking forward to my root canal on Monday, I think you'll get a better picture of my current sleepless nights.
*stares dazedly at computer screen*  *tries to ignore throbbing sensation on right side of face*

Cannonization

So, I was experiencing some odd shortness of breath earlier this week, and I stopped at the local Instacare -- and actually got a likable doctor who appeared to be competent!  (I've had a few highly questionable experiences with doctors at this place, and I could see the one doctor I really don't like lurking about in the background.)

Him (as he's running a stethoscope over my chest): So, you're a teacher, huh?  What grade?
Me (smirking, because I know what will follow my answer): Junior high.
Him (pulling back and rolling his eyes): Oh!  You are a SAINT!!


Note: it's always either sainthood or insanity applied to me when a stranger learns what age group I teach.  Always.

Herniated Disc + Wet Snow Left By Snow Plow = 1st Sick Day In Years

Yeah, I'm home today resting my back.  I guess I'd had so little pain for a couple of years that I'd forgotten I was no longer invincible.
Snow: 1 Me: 0
Yeah, I'm also slightly grumpy about it because it will now take months before it's back to where it was just yesterday.  Grrr....

The only thing I don't feel bad about is that my students aren't missing anything today.  They're scheduled for standardized testing YET AGAIN, and, although I do feel bad because this means another English teacher had to swap classes with my substitute because a sub isn't allowed to give the tests, the kids wouldn't be learning anything today anyway.  They don't learn anything on standardized test days.
Thus, if I have to be out of school, at least it happened on what is pretty much a wasted day anyway.  (And yet lawmakers and the public demand more and more tests!  If they're going to do that, I think they need to add days back into the school year so that we can still teach.)

Odd Thoughts For A Wednesday

My regular readers may remember that I had two surgeries this summer, the first of which was a right parotidectomy to remove a tumor growing on my jaw.  (It was the size of a grape.)
Well, the surgeon did a fine job, and I've had no paralysis, but the numbness is still there (caused by his having to work right over the facial nerve).  It's not really a big problem, but it's odd sometimes.
For example, I have a heck of a time putting in an earring on that side now, for I can't feel when I get the post into the hole.  Very strange.
And even worse is when my ear itches.  This is likely caused by healing nerves, but it's awful to have an itch and not be able to relieve it by scratching.  Yes, I can scratch the skin, but I can't FEEL that I'm scratching it, so the itch often remains.  Argh!
Oh well.  Life could be much worse.  :)

My Cure For Chapped Eyelids

I know that sounds like a stupid title for a blog post, but, a few months ago, I had some weird issues with what was probably Blepharitis.  I didn't know that then.  All I knew was that I had chapped eyelids that wouldn't go away, and it was rather freaky.
I also didn't realize at the time that other people had this condition -- and would end up on my blog trying to find a cure after searching for "chapped eyelids" on the internet.  It's now at least once a week that some poor soul ends up on my blog while searching for that.  Thus, I put up a title for those people.  If you're one of them, do read on, and I'll tell you my secrets.
Vinegar and Vaseline.  Seriously.
I learned online that the most common cause of Blepharitis (which sounds so made-up, doesn't it?) are those pesky little eyelash mites that everyone warns you about with sharing mascara.  Well, I hadn't been sharing mascara, so I have no clue how I got bacteria-spreading eyelash mites, but I figured that white vinegar is as natural an anti-bacterial cure as you can get, so I used it.  Each night and each morning, I'd dab a cotton swab in white vinegar and carefully rub it over the red, swollen, itchy parts of my eyelids.  I'd leave it there for a few minutes and then wash it off with plain water.  This would sting for a few seconds, but then it would relieve the itching for hours afterwards.  At night, after the vinegar was washed off, I'd coat my eyelids in Vaseline, which helped the irritated skin and also helped to smother the mites.  (I learned this by reading medical websites such as the one linked above.  The vinegar was totally my own idea, however.)
Three weeks of this treatment, and I was completely cured of chapped eyelids.  Thank heaven!

So there you go.  My cure for chapped eyelids = vinegar and Vaseline.  Pretty simple.

We now go back to our regularly scheduled blogging.  :)

UPDATE 1/7/15: In December of 2014, I had another unexplained eyelid event.  This time, the eyelids did not chap, but they were incredibly, annoyingly itchy!
I thought it would not hurt to try my "old cure" again, so I went back to the exact method I have described above for one week.  Cured!  Again!
This post has become very popular, and I have noticed that people have been googling for my vinegar and vaseline cure by name now.  Well, we all want our 15 minutes of fame, I suppose, but I never thought mine would come from chapped eyelids. :D

P.S.  Folks, please do be careful not to get the vinegar in your eyes.  It does sting.
Also, I wear contact lenses, and, although putting the vinegar on while wearing the lenses was never a problem, I do NOT recommend putting vaseline on the eyelids while you are still wearing the lenses.  Only put the gooey stuff on once the lenses are safely out and cleaned.

Trying Not To Salivate

About a month ago, I had a surgery to remove a tumor on my right parotid salivary gland.  Fortunately, the surgeon was able to get the tumor out without serious damage to any facial nerves, so I don't have facial paralysis -- just a bit of numbness and a big ol' Frankenstein scar which will fascinate my 7th graders next year.  (I also have a scar where the drainage tube was on my neck, and it resembles a vampire bite, which I find amusing.)
But things didn't go quite as smoothly as the doctor had planned.  The tumor was NOT harmless, as he had thought, and my parotid glands are over-sized, so he had to dig much farther to get the tumor out.  This left me with a big gouge of missing flesh near my right ear.  Ugh.
And then the sliced salivary ducts did not seal themselves off the way he expected them to do.  Instead, they kept sending the saliva to where the tumor used to be, and I ended up with a large saliva-blister thing below my ear.  The doctor put me on a medication to shut down my saliva production, but even that wasn't enough, so, Tuesday, he stuck a needle in the bulge and drew out about a tablespoon of spit.  (Gross.)  He then swathed me in another tight bandage around my head (so I look like a mummy again) and told me to keep pressure on the wound at least 48 hours or longer.
So the trick is not to salivate right now in hopes that those stupid ducts will seal themselves up -- because if they don't, I'll have to have the surgery again to remove the whole gland at high risk to that facial nerve.  (Plus, I'll have a lopsided face if the whole thing is gone.)
Now, not eating is one thing.  We've all fasted for medical and/or religious purposes at one time or another.  But have you ever TRIED not to salivate?  Dang.  It's tough.  Saliva is produced when you chew anything.  It's also produced when you smell or think of food.  It's produced when you suck on anything, and you get extra saliva if you put anything sour into your mouth.
So, I can't eat anything because that's chewing.  I can't suck anything through a straw, have juice (sour), or even have a lozenge to ease my dry throat (dry because there's not much saliva).  All I can manage is to drink Slim Fast in milk three times a day, drinking it fast so that it doesn't stay in my mouth and cause saliva.  I also have to push hard on the bandaged saliva-blister thing every time I feel saliva going into it (yeah, I can feel it.).
Things get worse if I smell my neighbors' barbeques or other cooking, or if I look at Pinterest and find that people have been posting cupcake pics again.  In fact, just writing about food here has forced me to stop and push on the blister several times.
And I have no idea how long it will take to stop -- or if it even will.  Ugh.

Healing Is Exhausting

Hi.
It's not that I don't love you all or anything.  It's just that I'm exhausted today.  I'm not sure why it is that 6 days after the surgery, I feel like I've dug ditches all day, when, in reality, my most difficult physical achievement was getting dressed, but that's how it is.
I may feel up to putting a new writers' game up by tomorrow.  If not, we may just skip this week.
Let's see how it goes, okay?
Nap time.  Again.

Vampire Nibbles And Snacks

This was attached to my neck until about noon today, draining off all the blood from the wound.  (Now it just dribbles down my neck and oozes into the mummy-like bandage that's wrapped around my head.)  I couldn't resist taking this pic.  I wonder if Eric would find this tempting.  :)

I slept most of today.  I hope I can sleep tonight.  Obviously, I'm not getting much writing done right now.

I Have Survived The Right Parotidectomy

I spent yesterday in the hospital having my right parotid gland removed, as I had a small tumor (about the size and feel of a frozen grape) on my jaw.  It doesn't sound like a big deal, but the parotid gland grows right over a MAJOR facial nerve, so the surgery was delicate and took roughly 3 hours so the doctor could avoid giving me facial paralysis.  Add all the pre-op stuff and the recovery period, and it took ALL day.
Plus, I was very nauseous from whatever they used to put me out and dealing with migraines from the tight bandages wrapped around my head.  (I look like a mummy).
I also have some really spiffy blood drainage going on from a tube into a plastic handgrenade-type thing.  I took photos, and I'll put them up in a later post.
I'll be dealing with a fair amount of pain and swelling for the next couple of days, so not much writing/editing/blogging will be getting done.  I hope to be feeling more chipper by the beginning of next week.
Fortunately, I'm still getting e-mails from Paige Shelton that she's enjoying Half-Vampire.

Springtime In The Rockies And Other Thoughts On Today

Yesterday at slightly after 4:00 PM, I got into my car, which had been sitting out in the sun for a couple of hours.  The car thermometer read 102, but it cooled to 97 as soon as I'd driven a few blocks.
Today at 4:11 PM, I got into my car, which had been sitting in the sun for several hours.  The car thermometer read 60, but, as soon as I got driving, it cooled to 52.  :)  (Unfortunately, within a couple of days, it's supposed to be scorching again.  And, even with the cool day, it still hasn't rained -- and we desperately need the rain.)

Getting an MRI and a series of x-rays on the same day when I'm really sleepy anyway makes it hard to stay awake.  My brain feels really fuzzy now.
Today's MRI was much more pleasant than the one I had half a dozen or so years ago.  Most of it was due to the nurse who ran the show.  Years ago, I had a real witch of a gal who refused to listen to me on where she should put the needle -- because, y'know, why would I know anything about my own circulatory system?  After she'd failed to find a vein that didn't roll in her preferred spots and caused me a good deal of pain while she prodded me, she was forced to admit I was right, which really pissed her off. Today's woman was nothing like that jezebel, and things wen't much better.  Plus, the machine was open at both ends and far less coffin-like than the older one.  And today's nurse piped in music via Pandora, so I got to listen to "Let It Be" and a few others while the machine roared its way through the imaging.
Much better.  :)

Then, in the parking lot, I passed a truck with the license plate that read: ZOMBKLR.  I smiled. :)

It's been a very long day, people, and I have a difficult few more days ahead.   I need sleep.

Weirdest Medical Triviality Ever

I've had a few medical issues in the past couple of years, enough that I sometimes feel like a senior citizen tallying up all my various aches, pains, and limitations.
But recently I've added the strangest one ever.
A few weeks ago, I noticed my eyelids, right along the rim of the lashes, looked red.  Plus, they itched.  I wondered if I might have an allergic reaction to my mascara.  Or perhaps a strange rash.  Or even that my mascara had become contaminated with those little critters (some kind of mite) one reads about in horror stories of women sharing make up (although I don't share my mascara with anyone).
Then last week I was over-tired and upset about several things, and I cried.  Wow.  Stinging eyelids!!  They really hurt.
I decided I really must have some kind of rash and that I ought to get into an eye doctor about this.
Then last night, the eyes were itching like crazy, so, when I went to pull out my contacts for the night, I had a good look in the mirror.  Along the rims of my eyelids were little flakes of dead skin peeling off.
That's when it dawned on me what was wrong.  Red, itchy skin that stings plus flakes of it peeling off.  I have chapped eyelids.
No kidding.
Chapped eyelids.
Winter dryness has long played havoc with my fingers and heels, splitting them and making them bleed. And, in recent years, I've found chapped spots on my legs during the winter as well.
But eyelids?
I had no clue that eyelids could even get chapped.
Normally I don't put lotion on my eyelids during the day, only at night so that nothing gums up my contact lenses.  But I'm going to have to start using lotion during the day and risking blurry vision in order to tone down the chapping on the lids.
How's that for crazy?
Chapped eyelids.
Egad.  What next?

UPDATE: My post on the cure for these chapped eyelids is here.